Back again in Star Wars land with the second feature film: Attack of the Clones.
Ten years after The Phantom Menace, we’re back with the boys Anakin and Obi Wan who are out to find who hired assassins to try and kill the former queen, now senator Padmé.
Blu-Ray time, so unfortunately there’s no online website extras like the older DVDs had.
The movie starts out with the classic text crawl. Padmé leaves her ship for a Senate meeting, and her stand-in gets killed in an explosion. The Jedi are tasked to determine who is trying to kill her, and why.
The first high action sequence is with Obi-Wan and Anakin, now master and apprentice. In the middle of the night they catch an assassin trying to take out Padmé, so it is a high speed space traffic chase.
This scene shows just how big the capitol planet of Corusant is. Layers and layers of cities, and a lot of traffic in between the tall buildings.
It seems that the higher up the planet you are, the better off you live, because when they go further down into the planet, they enter a seedy bar with many sketchy individuals. The assassin is killed off by another unknown assassin, and the Jedi are left to pick up the pieces and discover who the mysterious individual is.
Two different plots play out for the majority of the film after this. Anakin is tasked to protect Padmé, and Obi-Wan is tasked with finding the mysterious assassin.
The action and mystery is with the Obi-Wan plot line, while character development is with Anakin. Both are important to a story, so I am briefly going to talk about the journey of each character:
Obi-Wan
Obi-Wan went out to uncovering where the poison dart that killed the assassin came from. For some reason Corusant has a 50’s diner, and the owner is apparently an old friend.
Just look at this greasy four-armed diner owner. He never actually shows up in any Star Wars media I’ve seen afterwards so this is kind of strange he shows up to exposition and then he’s gone.
The diner owner talks about checking out a planet called Kamino, and Obi-Wan heads to the library to research the planet.
The librarian has no idea what he is talking about. There’s no record of the planet, and she boasts that if there’s no record, then it doesn’t exist. Seems very conceited to me, because it turns out there was a record of the planet, but it was deleted.
Obi-Wan does end up finding the planet, and there he discovers a clone army built for the government, and he meets the template for the army: Jango Fett and his clone son Boba.
He follows them to a nearby planet called Geonosis, where he tries to discover his boss and who hired him to help built the army. He ends up getting captured and meets the leader of the opposing government, Count Dooku, formerly a jedi and Qui Gon’s former master.
This is where Obi-Wan’s separate journey ends.
Anakin
As said earlier, a lot of Anakin’s storyline in the movie is not plot-driven, but rather character-driven.
Anakin was tasked as Padmé’s bodyguard, so they went back to her planet Naboo for safety. It was there that a romance was formed.
Anakin is a jedi and Padmé is a senator, so being in a relationship is forbidden so they do not act on these feelings.
Anakin keeps having dreams of his mother, and they turn out to be force visions of the future. They decide to go to Tatooine where they find out his mother has been freed and married to a Mr Lars. His mom has been captured by some Tuskin Raiders, and he goes out to find her.
She dies in her arms, and in a rage he kills everyone there.
A distraught Anakin is comforted by Padmé and they receive word that Obi-Wan is captured by Dooku. They go off to rescue him.
They get captured too, and all three get placed in an arena for execution.
Jedi come to save the day! Mace Windu with his purple lightsaber kills Jango Fett and leaves Boba an orphan.
It’s not enough to fight the huge army of droids, so Yoda come in last minute with the army of clones to turn the tide. Anakin and Obi-Wan go after Dooku. Dooku wins the battle and cuts of Anakin’s hand, but then runs away when Yoda shows up.
The Clone Wars has begun.
Anakin and Padmé also secretly get married.
There was a lot of slow moments in this movie. The action scenes were good, but even writing this short recap was pretty boring for me. I do think this film helped show a bit of the jedi attitude with the librarian scene, and the peaceful jedi are now turned into a military. A big bounty hunter is killed and we saw the leaders of the opposing side.
Overall, I’d give it 6/10.
Alternate Universe Timeline Review
If you recall during my Phantom Menace review, I place a racing game towards the end of it, and I did not play as Anakin in the race matching the film.
Ody Mandrell finished the tournament in first place!
He won 1200 truguts and I still don’t know what that is, but I’m using it as currency.
Because Anakin never won the first race, he never won his freedom and learned to become a jedi.
In this timeline Anakin never left Tatooine and his mom never died, which is great!
I’m not sure how the war is doing, if the clones ever came into play, but none of that matters in this timeline because racing is life.
Be sure to keep updated on my timeline journey, and I will be posting the next piece of media soon! At the time of writing I’m on the next tv show, so I should have two more things to write soon.
I love Star Wars. The movies, tv, and games are really fun. My favorite scene is when the big yellow star goes up against the small but incredibly bright white star. You can’t really see any action like that in other franchises.
At the time of posting this, it is May the 4th. This is usually known as a Star Wars holiday because that was the day in the movie that the main star, Mark Hamill, blew up the Death Star, and now everyone says “May the fourth be with you”.
I’ve watched all the movies and seen maybe over half of the tv shows, but one thing I have never done is watch all of them in chronological order. Today I will start doing that. I will watch every movie, every television show, and play most of the story video games all in timeline order. Once I finish one of them, I will add a post on this site to gather and express my thoughts. We’ll see how long it takes to finish it all.
Some media takes place at the same time as others. I will not be going back and forth besides one occasion. It would be too complicated for me to pause a movie to watch a single episode or play a level of a game. Whenever the first episode of a show takes place, I will watch that series until the end.
The media I will be working with are as follows:
Star Wars Young Jedi Adventures
Total SeriesRuntime: 10 hours, 47 minutes
This was made for Disney Junior audiences, AKA toddlers. However on the timeline I’m using from the Star Wars wikipedia, this takes place about 250 years before the original movie, meaning it is the earliest piece of media I’ll watch.
Each episode of this series is focused on a different character, and takes place at a different time, so the six episodes will bounce around and not be watched in series order. This is the only time I will not watch a series all at once. I won’t put down my thoughts on the series until I finish watching all of them, but I want to show which order of episodes I’ll watch on here.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars Tales of the Jedi (Episode 3)
Star Wars Tales of the Jedi (Episode 1)
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Runtime: 2 hours, 17 minutes
The movie that started it all. The first movie of this marathon is celebrating its 25th year this year. It follows the story of two jedi, and the adoption of Anakin Skywalker.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars Tales of the Jedi (Episode 4)
Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Runtime: 2 hours, 23 minutes
In this second movie, Ewan McGregor’s Obi Wan gets a sick beard, and his adopted son Anakin gets a stupid rat tail, and they both get cloned or something and have to determine who the original one is.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star THE CLONE WARS Wars
Runtime: 1 hour 39 minutes
Anakin and Obi Wan get some plastic surgery it looks like, and many more clones are made and seem to work with them to fight evil. Anakin also gets his rattail cut off and adopts a daughter of his own.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars Tales of the Jedi (Episode 5)
Star Wars The Clone Wars The Final Season
Total Series Runtime: 54 hours, 21 minutes
This is the piece of media that might take the longest to get through. The title is “The Final Season” but there are seven seasons of episodes about the clones and the wars they fought. 26 minute episodes, and if I watch 2 hours a day then this might take a month and a half? We’ll see.
Additional note: According to the official timeline, some later episodes happen sooner than they aired. Unlike Tales of the Jedi, I will be watching these episodes in release order, because reorganizing six episodes is a lot easier than organizing seven seasons. If you ever decide to do that, let me know how that goes.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Runtime: 2 hours, 21 minutes
This one is probably my favorite of the first three movies. Music is great, and the visuals are really impressive. We get to hear the story about Darth Plagueis the Wise as well.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars Tales of the Jedi (Episode Six)
The last one! Because the jedi were all killed at the end of Episode III
Star Wars The Bad Batch
Total Series Runtime: 21 hours, 52 minutes
A girl clone named Omega gets adopted by four of her brothers, and try to figure out the world in the new Empire.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars Jedi Fallen Order EA
Estimated Playtime: Approximately 22 hours
The first video game on the list. I have played this one before and it’s difficult in some parts, but I really like the story. If I figure out how to stream it when I get to this time period I think that would be a fun thing to do. Either way I’ll still be writing down my thoughts.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Solo: A Star Wars Story
Runtime: 2 hours, 16 minutes
Han didn’t have his last name before this movie, or the famous ship he’s known for flying. See the origins of him in this movie.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars Obi-Wan Kenobi
Total series Runtime: 4 hours, 3 minutes
How Obi-Wan came to live in a desert alone. He watches his adopted grandson Luke from afar, to keep him safe from his dad.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars Jedi Survivor
Estimated Playtime: Approximately 40 hours
Another video game! This is the sequel to Fallen Order and it may take a while to play it, but I have gone through it before so hopefully I can remember where to go and what to do. The longest part I think I will go through is getting all the customizable parts to my lightsaber and outfits.
On the list I have made, this is the halfway point! I think it’s fitting since the mood of the franchise begins to change after this point.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars Andor
Total Season Runtime: 8 hours, 23 minutes
This is probably one of my favorite shows listed. It’s very grounded, and the drama and suspense is very compelling.
There is another season of this show scheduled to be released at some point. At the time of this writing it is not out yet, so I haven’t taken it into account. If the entire second season is out by the time I get to this show I will edit in the runtime and add it to the list.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars Rebels
Total Series Runtime: 28 hours, 26 minutes
I watched this last year for the first time and I actually really enjoyed it. There are 4 total seasons, and the first season I remember to be kind of boring, but after that it gets very intense and I really grew to love the characters. I won’t say anything else until I get to this point in the timeline
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Rogue One A Star Wars Story
Runtime: 2 hours, 16 minutes
The first use of the Death Star, the entire idea of why “Star Wars” is the franchise name. Andor is a main character in this film, if you remember from the show with his name as the title.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars
Runtime: 2 hours, 5 minutes
Some people also call this movie “A New Hope“, but I’m going off of the poster titles that I find online. This is the film most people have probably seen, but the poster is misleading because I don’t think Luke ever takes off his shirt and looks that ripped.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars Squadrons EA
Estimated Playtime: Approximately 9 hours
Another video game! I have not played this one, and believe the majority is just playing online endlessly, but from what I could find there is a story mode, and that story takes place between all the original trilogy movies. As I said before, I will not be pausing levels and then watching movies and then playing another level. I think the story in this game is short enough to do in a day or two.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star The Empire Strikes Back Wars
Runtime: 2 hours, 5 minutes
In this movie, they visit an ice planet, a sky planet, and a swamp planet. On the swamp planet Luke Skywalker meets the love child of Kermit and Ms. Piggy: Minch Yoda.
Star Wars Return of the Jedi
Runtime: 2 hours, 16 minutes
Slugs! Pigs! Bears! Oh my!
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars Battlefront II
Estimated Playtime: Approximately 6 hours
Another mainly online video game with a story mode. From what I could see, Battlefront 1 did not have a story mode. I believe that in this one you play as an Empire soldier, which is kinda weird to me because they lost, but we’ll see how it goes.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars The Mandalorian (Seasons 1 & 2)
Total Series Runtime: 16 hours, 39 minutes
In this show we see what happens a few years after the Rebels won and the Empire fell. The Mandalorian adopts Baby Yoda and gets into wacky adventures.
There is a season 3 to this show, but for this timeline watch I will be viewing it later on. Once I have finished all 3 seasons I will post my writing
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars The Book of Boba Fett
Total Series Runtime: 5 hours, 28 minutes
This show is why I had to split The Mandalorian up. Boba Fett didn’t die in Return of the Jedi, he decided to become an author.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars The Mandalorian (Season 3)
Star Wars Ahsoka
Total Season Runtime: 5 hours, 53 minutes
She debuted in The Clone Wars movie, starred in The Clone Wars show and Rebels. Now she is given her own show to watch
I think I heard that this show is getting another season? I’m not sure, but if that happens I’m only watching the first season for this piece.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars Resistance
Total Series Runtime: 15 hours, 39 minutes
I didn’t even know this show existed before I was looking into making this series of posts. No idea who any of the characters in the poster are except BB-8. It probably has multiple seasons, and from what I think I saw this takes place in between a few of the next couple movies, but I’m just going to watch this season in full.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star The Force Awakens Wars
Runtime: 2 hours, 21 minutes
This is a cool looking poster. In this movie, the force was asleep and then they woke it up. Bunch of new characters are introduced with hints of the old characters.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star Wars Battlefront II: Resurrection
Estimated Playtime: 2 hours
This is DLC to the previous Battlefront II game, which from what I can tell takes place around the same time as these movies. I’ll be playing this short story here.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star The Last Jedi Wars
Runtime: 2 hours, 34 minutes
Oh boy. This movie, and the next one, are some of the most controversial films in the franchise. Here we go.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
Star The Rise of Skywalker Wars
Runtime: 2 hours, 23 minutes
If there’s one thing these movies know how to do, it’s make posters with faces on them. This is the last movie and the newest in the timeline piece of visual media.
(READ MY THOUGHTS HERE) coming soon
And that’s all of them! Going through everything will take a while, but I will be updating this page whenever I finish a project with a link to some writing about my thoughts.
Just to estimate when I finish this, if I were to start on May 4, 2024, and go non-stop through this list, it would take me approximately 11 days, 7 hours, and 49 minutes, or 271 hours and 49 minutes.
That’s obviously impossible.
I think around 3 hours a day is more reasonable. If I am successful into sticking to about 3 hours a day, it’ll take me about 91 days to complete, so roughly 3 months.
If I finish by August 2024 I’d say that’ll be a success, but whenever I do finish, I think I’ll have a good time along the way. I love writing series posts, and this will be a fun one for me.
Kristopher K. Online 