Some Reflection

It’s certainly an understatement but this is a really weird way to end my four years in college. Like everyone else who’s graduating this year it’s not what we wanted. We’re seeing a lot of “We’re here for you and still want to celebrate. Post this information so we can share it online and celebrate your achievements!” Advertisements are doing stuff similar just with the words “We’re here for you…” and I don’t know, it feels a little disingenuous with the way it’s being presented. When I was actually physically at the KU campus it felt like I wasn’t being recognized much by them so it’s hard to think they’d do something meaningful for me now.

I’m not saying I hated college life. I loved my four years there. I made so many friends throughout my housemates, marching band and the service sorority Tau Beta Sigma. I don’t think I’ll ever forget my time with them. Looking back on it now I think it makes sense why I pursued a double major in Film and Creative Writing. I am a behind the scenes person, and not one who is forefront in the camera.

My first job at KU was Stage Crew at the Lied Center, a year after I also took on the Rights and Reproductions assistant job. The latter is more public in a way, but it is all emails to people and I never talked to customers face to face or even over the phone. I even took the equipment staff job for marching band this last year, and that’s certainly not a visible job to anyone. We’re always some of the first people to arrive, and the last to leave. Even just my instrument was a sort of background instrument for the most part, we were rarely on camera when we were in the stands for football games, and I had maybe two photos total taken by the professional photographers at the games.

I do want to make it clear: I am not complaining about this, I’m just trying to make a point.

All of those jobs I had make perfect sense of why I was in school writing, filming, and editing. All things that are “behind the scenes.” I am completely okay with that, however what I did in college does not correlate to my recognitions that they are offering. I was never “The face of KU.” The only photos I’ve ever seen taken of me professionally from KU were of half my face or just my back. That’s not much to brag about with friends who are literally on the front page of the school’s website right now.

There’s a lot of emails I’m seeing that are asking me to send a photo of myself, a bit of information, and my plans for the future. I can do the first two, but I don’t know anything about the last part. I’ve been trying to apply to a lot of media jobs because that’s what I know, but I haven’t completed many “professional” projects like others in the film school. I know I’m at least recognized by the faculty there, but I do not participate in a lot of extracurricular activities with them because I’ve also been majoring in Creative Writing and minoring in Journalism. Don’t get me wrong I am glad that I’ve taken all those other courses for a new degree, but with times like these you can’t help but think of what could have been.

I am still going to apply to everything I can. I am most likely going to stay at home until I can, and until the pandemic is finally taken care of. I don’t know which job I will be offered in the future, or when/if it’ll even happen because most filmings are shut down, and I have no clue how anyone would be hiring people for film during a pandemic. I’m still going to try.

This site itself has changed a lot since I started it a few years ago. It started out as just a blog site where I write random comedic article-like posts whenever I feel like it. Sometimes it was just me writing and creating the images, and sometimes my friends were able to help create stuff as well.

Now I’m using it as a mix blog site/portfolio where I show off my designs, videos, and artwork. I don’t know if it would be considered the most professional for someone looking for a career now, but I don’t want to change it because that would be changing me. I’m still going to write whatever I feel like in the blog portion of this site, but I’m always going to add on and improve on it. If the places I’m applying to work at don’t like it, then that’s not really a place I think I’d enjoy working at anyway.

I don’t know where I will be a year from now. Hopefully by then everything is open again, but who knows at this rate. Even if I don’t get a job that allows me to be creative, I’ll still be writing and making stuff for me on this site, because that’s who it was originally for anyway. I’ll never forget my time at KU, and I wish some things could’ve been different, but all the stuff I did there and the people I met and the friends I have now helped me become the person I am now, and I am completely okay with who that is.